the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am one with the molecules
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
