dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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