That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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