Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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