but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
