That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
