I heard we made out
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
