I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
