i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
