During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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