So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
