When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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