i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
