remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
