Your tits are I can't wait for
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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