i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
