marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize