worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
