just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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