WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
