Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
