Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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