By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Im part way to drunk.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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