OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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