I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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