i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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