Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
