How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize