your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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