The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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