toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
