Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
