I will die if light touches me.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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