I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
