I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize