Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
