Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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