Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
