i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
