Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
