I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
