after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
