dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
