Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
