I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
