I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This is my gift to your gina
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
