I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have post one night stand depression
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
