It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Less talking, more tequila
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
