and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
