Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
