8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize