i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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