the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
