I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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