seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
