just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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