I will die if light touches me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
