i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
