first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize