Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize