Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Randomize
