She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
