i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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