Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
50% drunk capacity currently
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
