Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
