Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you had me at cake vodka
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Randomize