standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My dick has a subreddit
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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