Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
