I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
