Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
