At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize