Say something about gay babies.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
