i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
