3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
