A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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