this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Randomize
