Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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