I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
