Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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