I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize