I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
