Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
