So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
