i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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