okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
