i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
