dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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