no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
