I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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