I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
